Share this Page URL

Chapter 23. We're All Difficult Sometime... > Sometimes You Just Have to Ask - Pg. 248

We're All Difficult Sometimes--Are You Difficult oo Much? 248 It's not that easy to look backwards and remember your own behavior, but here's what you can do. Over the next week, pay attention to these items. Record (a little checkmark somewhere) any in- stance where you feel angry, interrupt, argue, and so on. Not only does that give you a very rough idea of your own behavior, but it helps you become more observant. There's no particular number of checkmarks that should concern you--the exercise is to help you become more aware of the possibility that you are being more difficult than necessary. Sometimes You Just Have to Ask It's an unfortunate fact of life that difficult people aren't very good at gauging the reactions of others. That's one major reason why people are difficult--they just don't notice the reactions they generate, or they misinterpret them. And that may apply to you. So, even if you can gauge the reactions of others or are able to identify your own behaviors, you're still stuck in your perceptions, and those certainly are going to be somewhat inaccurate or biased. That's just normal. Sometimes you just have to ask people about your behavior and whether they see you as difficult or not. There are two ways to do this. You can do it informally, or you can do it on a regular, more formal basis. We'll talk briefly about the first, and in more depth about the second. Informal Feedback There's no reason you can't come out and ask people directly how they see you, or how they feel you could be more helpful. If you're going to do this informally, you want to ask people with whom you have a fairly good relationship. People who can't stand you are likely to try to tear you to ribbons or will just clam up.