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Chapter 2. The Magical Manipulative Ways... > How Does Knowing All This Help? - Pg. 23

The Magical Manipulative Ways of the Difficult At a seminar, one of the supervisors attending wanted help dealing with a difficult employee who had bedeviled her for seven years. She told a rather one-sided story of how the difficult employee had made her miserable, almost driving her to commit violence. While the group tried to help her she pooh-poohed every suggestion. It became clear that the supervisor had been a major contributor to the problem. The moral: Look at your own behavior and not just that of the difficult person. 23 Try to keep an objective view and realize that the person is probably not evil, and may have some reasons for his or her behavior that can be used to solve the problem, after you know what the reasons are. You will need to explore those reasons before taking extreme actions. How Does Knowing All This Help? It's probably a good time to summarize where we've been so far. We've suggested that: · · · · it's better to focus on behavior, not labels. it takes two people to make a difficult situation worse. difficult behavior is defined somewhat subjectively. we can apply a reality check to determine whether something is difficult by evaluating the results or consequences. · the term "difficult behavior" takes many forms, some obvious, some less so. · some people are consistently difficult and we may have to deal with them differently than the occasionally difficult. While these points may seem unimportant now, you will see as we go along that they are extremely important in developing an effective mind-set for dealing with difficult behavior and situations.