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Chapter 7. Providing Feedback to Difficu... > The Different Faces of Feedback - Pg. 67

Providing Feedback to Difficult Employees · Tone of voice, sarcasm · Other body language (rolling eyes, slumping, glaring) 67 Generally, the nonverbal ways of sending information about your emotional state are more likely to cause a reaction in another person. That's not necessarily a good thing. For example, if you try to deliver some factual feedback but your nonverbal signals indicate that you are very angry, then the person is more likely to react with defensiveness or aggression than if the factual feedback is sent without the angry nonverbals. In other words, the person may become more difficult. Emotional feedback (talking about or showing your emotions) works best with garden-variety people who actually care about your emotional reactions. It's easy to see that "When you made that remark about me, you hurt my feelings" is a good thing to say to someone who is concerned about your feelings. However, saying the same thing to someone who hates your guts and likes to make you feel bad isn't going to have the same effect. Insider Secrets Psychological research strongly suggests that if your words and nonverbal behavior are in conflict (that is, inconsistent), the other person will rely or trust his interpretation of your nonverbal behavior rather than what you said. When what you say conflicts with how you say it, people believe the latter.