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Chapter 24. Getting Less Difficult—Words... > How People Come to See You as Diffic... - Pg. 256

Getting Less Difficult--Words and Deeds 256 Are You Trustworthy? Let me explain the trust thing. One of the hallmarks of difficult people is they aren't trusted by others. Because we want to make this more about behavior, what does it mean to be trusted? It's not that complicated. People will trust you when your words and behaviors are consistent over time and match each other--that is, they are congruent. So there are two parts. If you say things and change your mind a lot or behave unpredictably over time (being pleasant one day and unpleasant another day), people don't know what to expect from you or what to believe about you. That's the consistency part. It's almost better to be consistently unpleasant, because at least people will know what to expect. The congruency part involves this question: Does what you say and what you do match? Do your actions and words give the exact same message? If the answer is yes and they match consistently, then the people around you will see you as trust- worthy, safe, and less difficult. If they don't match, you will be seen with suspicion and mistrust. You will be perceived as difficult. Employee Handbook