Share this Page URL

Chapter 25. Getting Less Difficult—The W... > What's Their Problem? - Pg. 265

Getting Less Difficult--The Words, Ma'am, Just the Words · · · · · · annoying. polarizing. demeaning or patronizing. uninterested in other people. self-centered. blame oriented. 265 Employee Handbook Confrontational language tends to encourage others to see us as on the other side. This kind of language creates unnecessary and destructive conflict or can cause existing small conflicts to turn into forest fires. And it's all a result of the language used. Conflict-starters aren't necessarily bad people. Often they lack language skills to prevent and defuse conflict. Quite simply, they use language badly. What are the odds that you use confrontational language? Almost 100 percent. The use of con- frontational language is a part of being human. We all do it, and in fact that means that chances are we can all stop doing it if we learn better ways to communicate. When we stop using confrontational language, we start getting along better with those around us. We appear less difficult. We end up more respected, and people want to work with us, not against us. From the Manager's Desk Apart from appearing attentive, one way to tell the other person you are listening and understand is to use reflective listening. Re-flect back what you heard this way: "If I understand what you're saying, you would like more time to do this job, is that right?" So, here's the deal. If you want to reduce how difficult you appear to be, you can do that by changing how you use language. We are going to teach you how to do that, but first you have to understand a bit of psychology. What's Their Problem? You need to understand what kinds of things set people off. Once you know the triggers that start conflict, you can work to eliminate the specific language and words associated with them. So let's start.