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Chapter 25. Getting Less Difficult—The W... > What's Your Style? - Pg. 264

Getting Less Difficult--The Words, Ma'am, Just the Words 264 Then there's the opposite. There are some people who seem to be almost free of conflict. They seem to exude harmony and get along with everyone. It's actually hard to start an argument with such people, and they just don't seem to provoke anyone. There aren't a lot of these people around, but there's enough so we can learn from them. We call these people conflict-preventers. This Won't Work! Don't assume that because you aren't a radical conflict-starter, you never contribute to conflict or poor rela- tionships. We all do on occasion. Everyone can benefit by looking at how they communicate. Don't assume that these relatively conflict-free people are wimpy or weak or lack courage. It's just the opposite. These are strong people. Yes, sometimes they have a particular personality that helps them prevent conflict, but there's a lot more--they actually communicate differently with people. What sets apart the conflict-starter and the conflict-preventer? Conflict-preventers use different phrasings and words than those used by conflict-starters. What happens is that while conflict-start- ers create conflict with the poor use of language, conflict-preventers do the opposite. A conflict- starter can start a bonfire where there is almost no fuel. A preventer can put the fire out even if there's a lot of fuel. How?