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Chapter 15. Get a Social Life—or Change ... > Dealing with Relationship Problems - Pg. 163

Get a Social Life--or Change the One You Have 163 · You go through long stretches of bad times and ill will in the relationship, but then the atmos- phere changes, the outlook is rosy again, and you sweep the problems under the rug until the next time they pop up. · You complain about the relationship or the other person but contradict yourself by saying you don't want to leave. · You talk to everyone about the problem, hoping someone will tell you what to do. · You obsess over the problem, thinking and wor- rying about it constantly, but you don't take any action. · You assume that the matter is just about your own fear of commitment, not a problem with the relationship itself. · You wait for some sort of sign, that light bulb over the head, that tells you what to do. · You take an overly rational, objective approach, listing the pros and cons, as-signing each a number, and hoping that with enough number-crunching you'll come up with the answer. · You keep leaving, hoping that breaking up will stir things up, but it doesn't, and you always come back to give the other person yet another second chance. You're Not Alone I keep trying to convince myself that with time my so-called soulmate will change. He says things like, "Hang