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7. Be as Esoteric, Techy, and Condescending as Possible

7. Be as Esoteric, Techy, and Condescending as Possible

Look up the term blowhard in the dictionary, and if your name appears as the colloquial definition, this one's for you. After all, what good are the dozens of dollars spent on technical publications if you can't talk the talk in all the wrong places? To make this tip work, enter a newsgroup, and look for an innocent post along the lines of “I'm not a very savvy computer user, and my Mac (I think it's a beige G3 of some kind) seems to have slowed down recently. Any ideas?” Then respond:

“A beige G3!? Hello! Welcome to the 21st century! If you're gonna stick with this pile, you're gonna have to overclock your processor and upgrade your hard drive. You know what THOSE are, don't you?” After that, drift into line after line of obscure and possibly dangerous instructions without bothering to explain one syllable of it.


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