Share this Page URL

Chapter 22. Conciseness: The Department ... > Thrift, Thrift, Thrift - Pg. 228

Conciseness: The Department of Redundancy Department 228 Don't Say the Same Thing Twice Phrases such as "cover over," "circle around," and "square in shape" are redundant--they say the same thing twice. This is the redundancy problem you corrected in the beginning of this chapter. Wordy:We watched the big, massive, black cloud rising up from the level prairie and covering over the sun. Better:We watched the massive, black cloud rise from the prairie and cover the sun. Wordy:The package, rectangular in shape, was on the counter. Better:The rectangular package was on the counter. Danger, Will Robinson As you learned, there are some legitimate reasons to use the passive voice. For example, passive is the voice of choice when you don't want to name the subject (as in "A mistake was made") or you want to focus on the object of the action (as in "A robbery occurred today"). Make Passive Sentences Active In the active voice , the subject performs the action named by the verb. In the passive voice, the subject receives the action. The passive voice is often far wordier than the active voice. How many