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Chapter 22. Conciseness: The Department ... > Thrift, Thrift, Thrift - Pg. 227

Conciseness: The Department of Redundancy Department 227 Combine Sentences That Repeat Information You can also combine sentences to achieve clarity. First, look for sentences that contain the same information or relate to the same ideas and so logically belong together. Then combine the related sentences. Finally, cut any words that just take up space like an unwanted house guest. Here are some examples: Wordy:The Chamber was a best-seller. It was written by John Grisham. The Chamber was a courtroom thriller. Better:The Chamber, by John Grisham, was a best-selling courtroom thriller. Wordy:Sonnets, which are a beautiful poetic form, have 14 lines and a set rhythm and rhyme. Better:Sonnets are a beautiful poetic form with 14 lines and a set rhythm and rhyme. You can also eliminate unnecessary words by slicing and dicing extraneous relative pronouns and adjective clauses. For instance: Wordy:Rosie O'Donnell, who was homecoming queen of her high school class, was raised in Commack, New York. Better:Rosie O'Donnell, homecoming queen of her high school class, was raised in Commack, New York. (The relative phrase "who was" jolts the rhythm of the writing; the sentence is much smoother without it.) Wordy:Many people are drawn to Goldie Hawn's vitality, which is delightful.