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Chapter 15. Style Facilitates Effective ... > Style Principle Two: Be Specific - Pg. 69

Style Facilitates Effective Communication 69 The Brand X promotion plan objective is to maximize consumer trial, leveraging the product's su- perior performance. We will execute the three introductory events used in test market. Notice how the example with fewer words communicates more clearly. Look for, and delete, phrases that overshadow the thinking you have worked so hard to clarify. We cringe when we see them. Your readers do, too. So if "The truth is," "The fact that," or "We think that" appear in your first draft, delete them when you edit. For perspective, let's review some examples. Which version of each do you find easier to under- stand? Not concise The truth is that this plan carries significant risk. Concise This plan carries significant risk. Not concise The fact that we were successful in test market indicates that we will be successful nationally. Concise Our test market success indicates we will be successful nationally. Not concise We think that the plan will eliminate communication barriers and improve productivity. Concise The plan will eliminate communication barriers and improve productivity.