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Part V: The Business Letter > Exercise #23—Revising a Business Letter (2)

Chapter 30. Exercise #23—Revising a Business Letter (2)

Write like a human being, not like a robot. Revise the letter below to give it a more natural, conversational style. Eliminate stock phrases like “enclosed please find,” and rewrite stuffy sentences.


Personnel Services Officer

North Coast Community College District

2154 Ridge Drive

Bend, OR 91783

Dear Personnel Services Officer:

Enclosed please find my resume and supporting materials in response to your advertised need for a College Communications Coordinator.

In lieu of a complete written statement which provides my perception of the role of a college communications coordinator I’ve enclosed reprints of two articles I authored which convey my general feelings about the importance of providing quality educational opportunities which are accessible to as many people as possible.

Briefly, I would add that it is incumbent on spokespersons for public educational institutions to vigorously address the complex public policy and budgetary issues which too often result in decreased tangible fiscal support to public educational institutions.

In addition, it is obviously of primary importance for these same public institutions to make the public aware of the services they provide in order to develop, build and maintain the public participation and support that is essential for the growth of strong and viable public educational institutions.

I would enjoy an opportunity to explore these and other ideas with your organization’s leadership and hope to be invited to an interview for that purpose.

Thank you for your consideration.


Richard Luffkin



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