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Part V: The Business Letter > Exercise #22—Revising a Business Letter (1)

Chapter 29. Exercise #22—Revising a Business Letter (1)

Revise the job application letter reprinted below. Trim unnecessary words and rewrite awkward sentences. Note especially that this letter’s author has been careless about details. Correct errors in grammar, punctuation, and mechanics.


Mr. William Frank

Personnel Director

ABC Design, Inc.

291 Front St.

San Francisco, Ca., 94128

Dear Mr Frank;

Searching for an employee with qualifications to fit management or a position of responsibility with a degree in adversity. The job description you described in the Western Placement Annual 1987, is particularly suited to my qualifications. My previous positions in the federal government has provided me with skills to overcome problems and manifest myself as an achiever.

Mr. Frank, my graduation from Cal State University, Hayward Business Department, in June of ’85, has provided me with skills along with my previous employment in government. Hearing your company has an opening in their Marketing and Sales department, I am applying for such a position. Knowing your company deals with a variety of products, I feel that my scope of knowledge of consumer wants and needs can widen your target market areas. My ability to work with the public and quickly locate their interests makes me a likely candidate.

The enclosed resume will clearly show my qualifications and abilities. Please read for yourself and be the judge.

In closing I would appreciate an interview at your convenience. Your company office is located near my home and I would like to meet with you at a time convenient for you. My home phone number after 2:00 pm is415–385–0049. If any of my skills or experience interests you, please write or phone. Thank you for your time and attention.


Ronald Talbot



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